By Valerie
When I was a believer, I was raised with the following ideologies surrounding tithing:
- Everything you have belongs to God. So giving him back 10% is an acknowledgement of him blessing you with everything you have.
- Tithing is fire insurance (see Doctrine & Covenants 64:23).
- You pay tithing on everything. Gross income. Birthday gifts. Vehicle sales. Home sales. Anytime you make a “profit” off of something.
- If you don’t pay tithing, you will be sicker, your vehicles will malfunction, you won’t get good deals on things, and basically you will be unprotected from all the crazy money-sucking things that are chomping at the bit to get you. “The Destroyer” will pass you by.
- You can’t go to the temple if you don’t pay a full and honest tithe to the Church.
- We can’t be perfect at everything, but you can be perfect at paying tithing because it’s “easily measurable”.
And there were other things, but these really stand out as the big ones. I was told “faith promoting stories” of how my parents were blessed when they paid their tithing and cursed when they didn’t. It was a non-negotiable for my mother, and through one experience in my adult life, it became a non-negotiable for me too. This experience from 2014 was shared and reshared in lesson after lesson and talk after talk that I gave on tithing, obedience, tender mercies, blessings, etc. I used it every chance I got.
The story goes like this:
I have always been terrible with money management. Tithing was paid, but usually late and as an afterthought. At tithing settlement every year, I probably had to write out a check for a few hundred dollars to make up the difference between what I paid and what would have been 10%. But I could always declare that I was a full tithe payer. Until that fateful December in 2014.
I arrived at my meeting with the Bishop with my checkbook to declare my full tithe status. The ward clerk handed me the accounting printout of what I had paid in tithing and donations. I came with the knowledge of what I had earned YTD from my paystubs, and when I saw the amount I paid in tithing, my jaw dropped and I sank hopelessly into the padded metal chair outside the Bishop’s office.
$2,200 short.
I had nowhere near that amount in my checking account. And, due to the aforementioned money management struggles, I had nowhere near that amount in my savings account either. I sobbed as I confessed to my Bishop that I could not claim to be a full tithe payer. He inquired when my temple recommend was up for renewal. March. He suggested that I start today paying a full tithe going forward while he hung on to my recommend until March. I sobbed even louder.
My favorite cousin would be getting married in two weeks in the temple. I had to go. How could I go?? The Bishop suggested we go home and pray about it individually and see if either of us came up with a solution. This was on a Sunday. My cousin’s wedding would be in two Saturdays.
I got into my 2008 Huyndai Elantra that I had purchased myself and paid off less than a year earlier. As I drove, I realized what I should do. I could sell my car for around $5,000. I would have enough to pay my tithing debt and save to buy another car. Meanwhile, my job was a 15 minute walk from my house, so I could swing it carless for a while. I called my dad and told him my situation and my plan. He agreed, praised me for my faithfulness, and offered to let me borrow his truck on the weekends.
It took me until Thursday to get up the guts to do it. I told God I was willing to do the hard thing to repent, and I asked that he would let me get at least $5,500 for the car. I wrote up the listing, posted it on Friday, sold the car Monday, handed the tithing check to my Bishop on Thursday, and went to the wedding in my dad’s borrowed truck on Saturday. I was so happy that I had done the right thing to repent and be worthy to enter the temple to see my cousin get married.
I walked to work for two and a half months after that. One particular day, it was raining all day long. There was a break in the rain long enough for me to walk to work. Then another break as I walked home for lunch. Then another on my walk back from lunch. Then another break on my walk home. It was a tithing miracle! Mid-march, I found a 2010 Mazda 3 that I could purchase with a loan. With my small down payment and meager credit score, I was approved for a loan! Another tithing miracle! July 2015, I met the man who would be my husband. THE TITHING MIRACLE OF ALL TITHING MIRACLES!
I told this story countless times. And I used this experience to solidify my commitment to paying a “full and honest tithe.” Because in my view, the windows of heaven had opened and poured me out a blessing. I even convinced my husband that we needed to pay tithing on the money we received from the sale of our home in 2020 that was greater than the money we owed on it. Goodbye, $8,000.
I’ve been reflecting on this experience a lot the past year, particularly upon learning of the church’s hidden and obscene amount of wealth. It’s been said that the church doesn’t need our money (a huge understatement), but that we need the blessings of paying tithing. One “blessing” that I did not ever focus on in the retelling of my famous tithing story was that I sold a perfectly usable paid-for car to gain entrance to my cousin’s wedding in exchange for a $12,000 debt. Going to my cousin’s wedding cost me $12,000. T-W-E-L-V-E. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D. D-O-L-L-A-R-S. That any rational person could see that as a blessing is beyond me.
Not to mention that holding “eternal family” hostage by denying temple entrance unless tithing is paid to the church and in full is religious abuse and extortion. But that’s a post for another day. Today, I’m just thinking of the personal implications for me in this situation.
Yes, I did meet my husband later that summer. And… I also probably would have met him if I didn’t sell my car. And I definitely wouldn’t have had to walk in the rain to work (and when I say there was a “break” in the rain, I meant it slowed to a light drizzle, which it did at numerous other times during the day as well). And I sure as hell would have avoided a $12,000 debt for a car I didn’t really love (as a side note, that car is now my husband’s primary mode of transportation and he’s been rear-ended in it twice in 18 months and now has extensive back problems for the rest of his life but whatevs).
Lets flash forward to the present day. It shouldn’t really be a surprise to anyone, but we aren’t paying tithing. And even with not paying tithing, I have landed a great full-time job with incredible benefits that allow for good quality family time and great healthcare. We will be able to pay off all of our debts, including a stubborn student loan, in less than two years, and still have enough to take meaningful vacations to see the people and country that we love. Audrey will be able to enroll in extra curricular activities and we won’t have to worry about things like car and home repairs or other financial surprises that inevitably pop up. Basically, we’d be able to live and breathe.
I also find it interesting that on Day 2 of my employment, my daughter got strep throat and sent our family spiraling into the Christmas Sickness of Doom. Three years ago, I would have assigned ohsomuch meaning to this. See how you are being cursed for not paying tithing? God gave you that job and then threatened to kill your whole family with common diseases thus ripping the job and health insurance away from you because you didn’t give him back his money. *Insert eyeroll here.
First, if that’s supposed to be the messaging from a “loving father” then I’m filing for emancipation. I don’t need that kind of manipulative, conditional love. And second, that is how deep this indoctrination goes.
I assigned meaning to everything. The timing and and the amount of the sale of my car. The rain. The husband. When the reality is that things just … happen. Good and bad. What is that scripture? God causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust? Then why the magical thinking? Why the indoctrination that if you pay tithing you’ll be blessed, and if you don’t pay you won’t be blessed? I’m pretty sure that while I was actively paying tithing, I experienced what some would call blessings and what some would call cursings. And since we have stopped paying tithing, we have experienced what some would call blessings and what some would call cursings.
Tithing isn’t magic. If you are looking for financial return, this is basically gambling. And for me and mine, we would rather not play if the House always wins.
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